The big IT!

Here it is!  The big one as promised!  The topic that makes every man (and woman) uncomfortable:  MASTURBATION!  DUH DUH DUUUUUUUUUUUH! (You’re supposed to imagine dramatic music at this point.)  This is not a topic for the faint heart as it is gross.  If you are ultra religious or easily offended, then I suggest you read no further; you do so at your own peril.

Take that Detractor!  (LOL!)

It’s the ultimate creator of religious taboos, the inspiration behind cornflakes (, and countless hours spent on a psychiatrist’s couch. It is a boy’s first love, though he is ashamed to admit it.  I won’t speak of the female of the species, because I am a dude.  It’s not a gay issue, nor is it a straight issue; IT’S A DUDE ISSUE!

Most of us have done it and still do it.   We are ashamed to admit it.   I started when I was thirteen, about three months before David died; my uncle would show me porn to teach me about the birds and the bees.  Talk about messed up!

Some males start younger; some start later.  If we are lucky (blessed), we have fathers who are willing to discuss these matters with their sons.  I was not so lucky.  But in talking with other males who are willing to talk about it, it was almost never discussed by a father.  The first time, I wasn’t even sure what was happening when I finished, except that I LIKED IT!  Then I was hit with a sudden rush of conflicting guilt.  And then the mess I had made (EWWWW!) I started keeping a roll of toilet paper under my bed within easy reach.

Why do we feel so guilty and messed up about it though.  A lot of it comes from the Catholic Church and their doctrines (catechism 2352: By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”)

But what about us who are single or who are gay?  Do we just have to suck it up? Unfortunately God’s design of the male is one that needs occasional release by expulsion of sperm.  (I warned you that this would be gross!)  This can be done in only two ways: sex with another person or masturbation.  For those of us who are gay or single, this then presents a problem, because it begins hurting if there is not a release.  We then masturbate and feel horrible about it, many times engaging in pornography, which only serves to increase the guilt, and sex is out of the question.

To make matters worse, many of the Catholic teachings carried over to the Protestant churches after the Reformation.  The topic of anything even remotely related to sex became dirty, something to never be talked out.  It is only discussed in a haphazard manner, with secret discussions when a kid spends the night with another friend.  Lots of misinformation is spread.  A father’s duty should be to discuss these things with his son, but it becomes an awkward mess, leaving the father embarrassed and the son needing psychiatric help.  But the Bible had the solution the whole time.

The Catholic Church in the past has not encouraged study of the Bible.  It is something only priests were qualified to understand, and they only preached in Latin.  Protestants ignored the topic, since they believed it was dirty, so it was largely ignored.  It lead to many sins and guilt, when it was all unnecessary.  The solution is in the book of Leviticus 15:16 &17: “Whenever a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his entire body in water, and he will remain ceremonially unclean until the next evening. Any clothing or leather with semen on it must be washed in water, and it will remain unclean until evening.”

This includes nocturnal emissions (wet dreams) and masturbation!

Some will argue that this is about the act of sex, but the act of sex is covered in verse 18: “After a man and a woman have sexual intercourse, they must each bathe in water, and they will remain unclean until the next evening.”

God knew what He was doing when He designed us.  He also provided us a way out of fornication with a woman or a man.  We must get past the guilt that has been ingrained in us since we were children due to phony religion.  We also must not use porn to help with masturbation.  Part of my addiction to porn (been clean seven months now as of this writing), was that I was trying to find a substitute for gay sex.  Pornography is just lusting after either a girl or guy.  Since I have cut out the pornography, I have gone from three times a day to about three to four times a week.

Now there are some unavoidable questions about lust and masturbation.  It is my opinion (and mine alone), that if you engage in this, then make it all about fantasy and innocence, someone who doesn’t exist.  Do it only when you need to, not out of habit.  Mostly, feel no guilt!  If you are gay, avoid mutual masturbation, because it can so lead to sex with another guy (many of my sexual encounters with guys started out this way).  Just get the deed over with, clean up the mess, and get on with your life; giving God all the glory, that He provided you a way out from fornication.

Now how often you should do it is entirely up to the individual. Younger men will find that they have to do it more often.  I am older (almost 47) and my libido has decreased, so I don’t have to do it as often.

Now I love my Catholic brothers and sister, don’t get me wrong; but the Catholic Church itself has become very pharisaical in nature, imposing impossible standards that no one can hope to follow.  There is freedom in Jesus Christ when He said “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”  (Matthew 11:28-30 NLT)  We are free from religion and the guilt associate with it when we can not possibly carry out someone else’s edicts.

“One day some Pharisees and teachers of religious law arrived from Jerusalem to see Jesus. They noticed that some of his disciples failed to follow the Jewish ritual of hand washing before eating.  (The Jews, especially the Pharisees, do not eat until they have poured water over their cupped hands, as required by their ancient traditions.  Similarly, they don’t eat anything from the market until they immerse their hands in water. This is but one of many traditions they have clung to—such as their ceremonial washing of cups, pitchers, and kettles.

“So the Pharisees and teachers of religious law asked him, ‘Why don’t your disciples follow our age-old tradition? They eat without first performing the hand-washing ceremony.’

“Jesus replied, ‘You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you, for he wrote, ”These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship is a farce, for they teach man-made ideas as commands from God.” (Isaiah 29:13)  For you ignore God’s law and substitute your own tradition.”  Then he said, “You skillfully sidestep God’s law in order to hold on to your own tradition.”  Mark 7:1-9 NLT

Come out of religion and tradition created by man, into the freedom that God gave us!



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