His sins are not greater than mine

 

I just  found a picture of my exboyfriend “Jason” yesterday (April 4, 2017) online.  According to the State of Oklahoma, he is a registered sex offender, convicted in August 30, 2011 of possession of child pornography.  I don’t know how I feel about that.

The article is very ambiguous, deliberately not stating whether he downloaded something he shouldn’t have, whether he paid for it or what.  It is meant to publically shame him, humiliations galore.  To say it is pornographic material says a lot.  I know what I find attractive, which is why I have been fighting my addiction.  He may have been caught.  I honestly don’t know.

I sent him an email, suggesting a way out, to find help for beating his addictions (drugs, pornography, gay sex), but I have to ask myself if I am really all that different than him.  What makes me all that more high and mighty than him?   Was it because he got caught and I didn’t?

I don’t love him, as it was all about sex.  But it doesn’t mean I don’t feel for him.  But what should I feel for him?  Anger over telling me that I was only good for sex?  For treating me as if I was a slut?  Once I felt jealousy about him over all the guys he was sleeping with.  Was there something there?

I can’t save him.  Only God can.  I can pray for him, because I don’t want anything to happen to him.  His sins are no greater than mine; he just got caught.

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One thought on “His sins are not greater than mine

  1. Your statement “I have to ask myself if I am really all that different than him” made me stop and think. We really are all lost together. It sounds like you were just trying to share the light that you have, not trying to seem better. It was a kind thing, I believe.

    Liked by 1 person

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