In Mid-August of 2016 I was getting dressed in the bathroom when I caught sight of myself. The normal self-loathing I felt was different. I was still wearing the same kind of boxerbriefs that my exboyfriend had worn. I was moving into my twelfth year of celibacy from the gay lifestyle and I was still dressing like Jason.
I took them off and went commando that day, hating the fact that I was still holding on to him. He told me that I was only good for sex. He never asked me to change what I wore. I’m not even sure if he even noticed when I went from the same old Fruit of the Loom briefs to boxerbriefs. I guess I was just trying to make him happy, but all he wanted was his own satisfaction.
I worked all that day without underwear. It was uncomfortable as I had always worn them. After work and the kids were fed, I went to Walmart and started looking for new underwear. I didn’t want to go back to the old ‘tidie whities’ and I certainly didn’t want to wear the kind of boxerbriefs that Jason wore.
I settled on some fairly plain briefs that were colored. Now when I look in the mirror, and while the self-loathing is still there (I HATE being SSA), at least I don’t see myself enslaved to Jason.