Brain Candy

In the mid 90s there was a movie by The Kids in the Hall, called Brain Candy.  It was a largely forgettable movie about a scientist who invents a cure for depression, but it is addictive and the people who are taking the cure wind up in “happy comas”, forever locked in their happiest memory.  One of the most memorable characters was a gay man, who had no idea he was gay, and became aware of it when he started taking the cure.  When he found out, he went out celebrating to song and dance, in a highly choreographed number involving every member of his neighborhood.

This was me.  Thanks to the propaganda of the LBGT community, I thought that not only was it a rite of passage to tell everyone I was gay, but it was my duty, and if anybody rejected that, they were an automatic hater.  I wound up telling pretty much everyone, except my family (wasn’t ready for that, except for my father who I told out of spite).  This led to a lot of problems.  Some of my dearest friends would no longer speak to me.  My room-mate moved out.

As if this wasn’t bad enough some of those who I told wound up sleeping with me.  This led to all sorts of new promiscuity (not to mention the threat of HIV) and shameful behavior.  But everywhere I turned I faced the propaganda that I was supposed to do this, and the propaganda that Christians hated me because I was gay.

I believed in God, but was so messed up, and made innumerable mistakes, constantly seeking Him through useless knowledge.  Jason wouldn’t stay away, actually reinforcing my negative behavior.  I think much of it could have been avoided if only I had just kept my proclivities to myself.  Again, I was listening to the LBGT community instead of God.

I began keeping most of my behavior to myself, and not telling anyone.  This eliminated most of the bad behavior (though Jason still showed up unannounced).  Yeah, Jason was a problem.

After I had my stroke, my mind was erased of all that I had done and I was free.  But then the life that I had lived came back to me when I was investigating my internet browsing history.  I was very ashamed of what I had done and how I had lived.  So I endeavored to never tell anyone again.  But God had other plans though…

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