Why am I same sex attracted? (I am trying to get out of the habit of saying ‘gay’, because it impugns all kinds of behaviors I am not a part of. It is hard, after twenty five years). This is a question I have wrestled with since I was willing to admit my homosexuality.
In speaking with others who also Christian and dealing with same sex attraction, I find no consensus. One of my friends was molested as a child by an uncle. Another, who had no issues with being gay, was raped by his exboyfriend. A young man at our church led a very normal life. I was neglected by my mother, abused physically by her father, and had little contact with my own father. Then there was the issue of my best friend committing suicide when I was fourteen. Was that the reason why?
I find all the reasons that I stated above to be a cop out. My biological grandfather did abuse me (not sexually, thank God (he preferred little girls)), but didn’t cause me to desire men; nor did my mother’s neglect. Psychologically speaking, I may have been seeking the love of my father through sex with other men, but other boys who were raised by their mothers are not gay. The loss of my friend may have played a role, and again I may have been missing his companionship, but I am not the only one who has faced profound loss; others didn’t wind up gay, so why me?
The LGBT community wants me to believe that not only is it perfectly normal to be gay, but that I should act on the feelings and live the gay life style. Accept who I am and indulge, live a guilt free life, to hell with God, or even worse to say that God created me this way (funny how they say I should live a gay lifestyle because God created me, but they tell a gender dysphoric (transgendered) person to get mutilated because God made a mistake).
There are few answers and the debates are endless. A person must learn to love themselves, despite how God made them. YES THERE IS A GOD to all you atheists out there. We who are gay need to accept the prohibitions on the homosexual life style as outlined clearly in the Old Testament and accept the forgiveness of Jesus Christ in the New Testament. Can’t have it both ways.
Christ, as God’s son, came to make all things new. One of the things he preached on was God’s love and forgiveness. He isn’t in the business of smiting those who make him angry, otherwise He would have taken me long ago. Whether I led the gay life style or not, my issue was with sin in my life. I have a sin nature that causes my body to want one thing and my spirit to want another. I am not alone in this, as Paul spoke about this in the book of 2 Corinthians 12:7. We must pursue God diligently, and when we fall (and believe me I have fallen hard plenty of times), we must get right back up and still pursue Him. He is our Father and will teach us to walk, and if we let Him, He will pick us back up when we fall.
The things that happened in my life may have been bad, may have influenced a predisposition to homosexuality, but they didn’t cause me to be gay. Sin nature did. And the only cure for sin nature is God’s son, Jesus Christ.