Back at the beginning of July of this year I was asked to teach the book of Daniel at our men’s Bible study. I was shocked. My first thought was “Don’t they know I’m gay?”
Yes, as a matter of fact they know, some of them anyway. In fact the guy who suggested that I teach was the first person I told at the Bible study (I don’t go around announcing I am gay, which will be another topic for a blog post). He is a former police detective from Los Angeles, and like my father, a Vietnam veteran having served our country as a Marine. I will call him “Mike”.
Mike has really tended to my spiritual growth as a Christian. A pastor at our church delivered a sermon which helped me realize this, by quoting Hebrews 5:12-14: “For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.”
Okay, so I am SSA (gay). I need to get over it and stop feeling sorry for myself. God has already forgiven me, so why am I still on this? I know the words and the teachings (I guess all that study wasn’t for nothing). I needed to see myself the way God sees me, and not my own self-pitying approach. I am a child of God, forgiven.
I sought the wisdom of one of the wisest men I know, concerning matters of faith. I will call him “Frank”. Frank is a member of our group, and he went completely blind about forty years ago. He makes his living doing woodworking, creating the most amazing and beautiful items you can imagine with power tools (he has all his fingers!) I told him I felt unworthy to teach and told him why. Frank told me that we are all unworthy, but to let God’s words be mine, and if I have an opinion, to state that it is mine and mine alone.
The sermon on Sunday was a real eye opener as to what Mike was doing. I thank him, for seeing to my spiritual growth, which was stalled because I didn’t see myself as God sees me – redeemed.