The shoe incident

I am still amazed at how many same sex attracted men there are who not only believe in God, but do their best to be celibate to their desires.  I thought that I was the only one.  I recently made a new friend Facebook, a brother in Christ who is dealing with the same issues I have.  I related the following story about me to him, which he found absolutely hilarious.  Looking back, I realize it is kind of funny.

No one had told me how to be gay.  You would assume that given the propaganda of the media and the LGBT community, that it would be perfectly natural.  It wasn’t.  I had heard from the football players at school that all gays were queers and wore ladies clothes.  How little they knew.  I knew even less.

So given this knowledge (or lack of it) and given that I thought all Christians rejected me, I set about on my new gay lifestyle.  I thought I had to start wearing women’s clothes (that bought a few stares at the store where I bought my dress, being that this is a VERY conservative area), some make up and dressed up.  I made a VERY UGLY  woman.  I kind of looked like one of those old detective comedy movies where the detective puts on women’s clothes to catch the bad guy.

It was a bizarre combination; I never realized how masculine I looked until I put on that dress.  Before then I always had thought of myself as rather effeminate.  Now I just looked like Dr. Frank-N-Furter from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, except uglier (and that’s kind of hard to do).  Still, I thought that’s what gay guys did.

But the problem was that I didn’t have any shoes to go with my dress.  So I went downtown to look for some.  It was a lot further than the mall, but at least they wouldn’t know me there (I was still kind of sensitive about being gay in public).  I went into a shoe store and tried on several pairs of high heels.  I could walk (more or less) but I really didn’t have a sense of balance.  When I tried on my third pair, I did lose my balance and fell into a long rack of shoes.

As if this wasn’t bad enough, the rack fell over into a second rack, which in turn fell into a third.  The workers at the store rushed over quickly to see what happened and found me sprawled out in the midst of a those fallen racks of shoes wearing ladies spiked high heels.  Of course they helped me up, all the while trying so hard not to laugh.  I gathered up what was left of my shattered dignity and my sneakers and left.  I burned the dress when I got home and never had the inclination to dress up again.

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